Hello to December, that magical season where holiday cheer and consumerism collide! As this newsletter exists for the airing of my abundant opinions, it should come as no surprise that I Have Thoughts about the seasonal giving of gifts.
Consumer culture pressures us to always be buying, but I think our options include more critical thinking. Instead of stress searching, we can give ourselves a bit of time and enjoy the process of loving our people. We are capable of growing awareness of purchases and recipients. Knowing how your parent/sibling/partner/friend feels seen and cared for makes for much better gifts! Our boy Gary Chapman calls different ways of expressing and experiencing love Love Languages, and the internet is ripe with articles and BuzzFeed quizzes (lol) that might be helpful. If you’re trying hard and get super stuck, ask them to help you out! Good communication is never off limits and will super-charge the thoughtfulness.
I worked out a few common holiday gift scenarios below, but I welcome additional dilemmas. Emails work both ways when you’re Santa’s helper.
** There a LOT of links. Some of them are affiliate links that exchange several pennies for your purchase. Excuse me while I scrape the bottom of Jeff Bezos’s pond.
situation
you’re short on money but long on time
What do you do when someone tells you they have enough stuff or that they don’t want anything other than time with you? Take them seriously, but also to the next level! Consider what they enjoy doing, and brainstorm activities involving you and whatever they’re into. Choose a fun way to tell them (golden ticket / scavenger hunt / a series of google calendar invites / etc), like an infinitely improved chore coupon. Follow through with the quality time, that part’s prettttty crucial. But you got it!
A charming case study: my dad loves research projects and eating slowly cooked meat, but he mostly likes spending time with my mom. He also buys his own Christmas presents—power tools purchased on sale and stored in a closet for anyone to wrap. Not to be stumped, my mom picked out 12 local BBQ spots, assigned a restaurant to each month, and together they spent a year trying different briskets and completing their own scientific study. Bonus outcome: my parents can tell you their actual best spot for barbecue in Wichita (Pig In Pig Out, fyi.)
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specific alternatives
make some cheese
All you need to make mozzarella at home is a rennet tablet, candy thermometer, and a gallon of vitamin D, obviously. But check out this cute science experiment-y kit that’s ready to roll! It checks three essential boxes: unwrap a physical gift, enjoy several hours of wacky curd stretching, and eat a beautiful softball of fresh mozzarella. Lucky everyone.
do a puzzle
Love 2 puzz! There are so many great ones, but I can vouch for these beautiful four letter word puzzles by my friends Charles & Thorn. Or load up on White Mountain puzzles—the pieces are “toothy” and the vintage label collages are very fun to assemble. Get out the card table and fire up a Sandra Bullock DVD.
situation
a surprise exchange of gifts between neighbors, co-workers, friends with whom you didn’t know you did that
Pretend you're Oprah, benevolently distributing your favorite things. My friend Susan loves to buy a beloved book from the year in bulk and give it to everyone. Last year's was A Gentleman in Moscow, which is a truly great read. A very different version of this power move: my mom started giving CostCo rotisserie chickens to all the neighbors at Christmas, saving time she used to spend baking because “No one needs more cookies but they probably need extra protein.” Those $6 chickens are delicious and my mom loves to gift meat, apparently.
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specific alternatives
Good smelling things are always a safe bet, particularly for back-pocket emergencies. It’s obviously best to give something a recipient will keep and use, but candles regift beautifully in a pinch. Personally, I’m all the way out on extreme and artificial fragrances, sorry to this man. Generally you get what you pay for, but the acceptable amount to spend on a nice candle is subjective (and maybe a fun conversation starter at certain cocktail parties). Here are a few pleasant smelly things at a couple price points:
$ These incense matches are a genius invention in a bunch of flavors. A couple might remind you of your mall’s hippy store, but I like sandalwood & frankincense. Gift like a magi!
$$ P.F. Candle Co is super pleasant and the price is right for the quality. I keep the Amber & Moss travel size on my desk, their copywriter accurately compared it to a damp forest floor. They’re an independent brand sold through many avenues, which is helpful for those of us who have gifts delivered to our parents’ house to wrap on Christmas Eve. Save that room in your suitcase for bulky knits!
$$ A very specific favorite: Roen is a line of jar candles from California and come in under $30. I impulse purchased the Marmont one at a store in Philadelphia and huffed it the whole drive home, it smells truly incredible (including so y’all can go in on a case for me). It appears Anthropologie stocks a few of their scents if you need to sniff in person, such a great alternative to those volcano candle blasters.
situation
you drew the hard-to-shop for person for in the family gift exchange
Practical stuff is not always thrilling, but sleep a little easier knowing you’re buying something your loved one might actually use. For a parent obsessed with their instant pot, some comprehensive accessories could help them maximize their fun. When you’ve consumed a portion of your host’s bar cart, help restock with ingredients for a cocktail you’d like to try. Self-serving and delicious, I do it regularly. Does your cousin break for Starbucks every afternoon? No shame in a gift card, meet them where they are! Spare us Sharper Image, this shouldn’t feel like you’re lighting twenty dollars bills on fire.
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specific alternatives
Winter weather becomes a lot more bearable when you’re properly covered, but no one really wants to spend their own money on gear. The holidays hit right as everyone realizes they need new gloves, solve this problem for someone you love!
$ Cover their heads and toes! Carhartt beanies come in a million colors and are basically a hug. Or contribute to a wool sock collection—I want to only wear SmartWool Merino socks, and at $20 a pair we should probably take it a year at a time.
$$ I could buy all my presents from Uniqlo: their ultra light down is as light as they claim, well priced, and packs like a dream. Stock up on their heattech longjohns, and consider securing might something cute from the Marimekko collaboration.
bonus round
stocking stuffers and secret santas and roommates
Buy a any pack of sheet masks, all do basically the same thing: refresh the skin and make you look like Hannibal Lecter. Insist every family member participate and send me the group pic.
Disposable cameras. Timeless fun when you remember to develop!
Tech nonsense: smart plugs, charging cables, moldable glue that protects frayed cords, etc.
Any quantity of gummy candy, but may I suggest 5 lbs of Haribo grapefruit wedges plz?
Split up fun stuff that comes in bigger packs: Tattly’s, tiny jars of jam, tiny hands, chapsticks, clementines, nice garlic, you get it.
Last one! Say you know someone who’s vaguely interested in the creative work of this writer, me, Frances MacLeod. First, it sounds like they have great taste. Second, your intuition was correct, there is always sales pitch at the end.
If that person is going through a big life change, like graduating college/starting a job/moving somewhere new, gift a copy of You’ve Totally Got This! Marked down to $10 on Amazon, basically free!
Does your friend want to organize their chaos in 2020 or deeply love paper calendars? I made some open-dated productivity planners in a few color/pattern options.
What about your friend who smokes a pipe and solves mysteries? A collection of Sherlock Holmes stories could be inspirational.
Do you suspect a friend is with child? Ask the aforementioned detective to tactfully discern the truth, then consider gifting The New Mom’s Pregnancy Journal.
Any athleisure devotee would enjoy some printed leggings, dance fitness or otherwise.
What about anyone with opposable thumbs? I’ve released free coloring sheets the last few years that you can download on my website, follow me on Instagram to hear first when this year’s is up!
Finally, I’d like to send a big hug to all my small business friends making dreams come true this holiday season. Although I directed attention to widely available gifts, please think of these as starting points for buying directly from artists and small businesses when possible. Product-making pals earn the bulk of their income this time of year, and watching them work so hard to make new things has changed my perspective. Maybe next year I’ll start earlier and send ya toward a hundred different geniuses making wonderful things.
This was a long one! If you made it down here, I deeply appreciate your endurance. Go stream a yule log on your television and make a plate of treats not for sharing.
Merry Christmas & Happy Holidays, I’ll see y’all in TWENTY TWENTY.
xoxo,
Frances